Jedediah Smith and the Undying Chinaman
Hoss had the audacity to stand behind me and bray like a mule. There’s little I hate more than a man who laughs at his own poor excuse for humor. I slipped my hand snake quick over the well-worn handle of the Colt Peacemaker I kept crotched, swung my arm up in an arch as I skinned the cannon and smashed the butt against the bridge of Mr. Funny Man’s beak with a satisfying crack. He staggered back as his nose loosed a scarlet flood all over the floor. I kicked him in “the sweets,” threw him onto the red mess he’d made, and, because I was feeling ornery, upended that damned spittoon over his face. I shook my head. I could have wound up like him if my uncle hadn’t taken me in and paid for my education after my momma died from the consumption.
I took a long pull off my cigar and let the smoke ooze slow and evil out of my mouth as I said to anyone listening. “My name is Jedediah Smith. Does anyone else want to ask me a question?” This time I threw some of that steel in my voice I mentioned earlier. Hoss’ buddy jumped up with his hands in the air and knocked over their table. I hadn’t realized I still had my gun out. I saw a glass pipe caked with tarry residue rolling along the floor with the shot glasses and beer bottles. My eyes widened for a second as a bolt of inspiration struck me full on. I crooked a gnarled finger in the direction of Hoss’ friend and said “You!”
“Me?” He actually squeaked as he pointed to himself and looked around for a more likely subject.
“Yes, you. Where can I find an opium den around here?”
He looked puzzled, which was only slightly different from his usual idiot stare, and asked “Why do you…”
I cocked the Peacemaker as I interrupted him. “It sounds like you’re asking me a question boy, and you’ve seen how I cotton to questions.” I kicked Hoss once in the gut—hard—for emphasis. The poor bastard gurgled and went fetal as his buddy turned wedding dress white.
7 comments:
I love how you put your character together. Maybe it was the last part, the Clint Eastwood that made me say, "Ohhhh, I get it," though I am also humored with the noir. Indiana Jones, however, is my favorite.
Interesting work.
I can definatly feel the Eastwood vibe there, so reminicent of his old westerns. There's all that grit and wit I like so much. I like this so far and will read teh rest later. Thanks for the opportunity! Later!
Having read this whole piece I can only say: "Here's to you, pilgrim". Well done.
Sounds great, and Jedediah is such a great cowboy name. I thought so when I was watchin' Night At The Museum.
;o)
I haven't seen it yet, I swear! hehe
I've read the templete notes on how to get those pages over onto my website and I can't figure out what is wrong. It keeps coming up as an error. I wonder if these are for the old blogspots and the new ones aren't responding to them.
That's a distinct possibility.
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